Love to hate

So here I am sitting in the park, pissed at you yet again. Sitting here stewing in my anger and resentment. I can almost feel my fingers absorbing all that rage and getting pruny. Just like they do when we go swimming or sit by the lake with our hands and feet dipped. Such good times! And I start to smile as my heart begins to float buoyed by those lovely memories.

But no. NO! I am supposed to be angry with you. I can’t go thinking of all those lovely times when you were perfectly wonderful. Cause I love that side of you and right now, in this very moment I have to hate your righteous guts.

And so I will stick to raging at you and the fact that you are completely wonderful all the effing time. I loathe the fact that you can completely derail all my plans of hating you.

My head firmly holds my heart down as I remember to continue to stew in my anger. So I will not focus on the evening sun, the fragrant breeze, the soft grass or this comfy, old, creaky bench. No distractions for my traitorous heart. Just pure Zen like focus on why I am furious with you.

Why AM I furious with you? Because of the argument that we just had? Or is it because you were right yet again about me, the situation and everything? My train of thought hits too close to home as my heart shudders to a stop. In deafening silence, disbelief rings in my ears- I am pissed at you because you were right and I was wrong?

Stupid thing really, pipes up that sly heart of mine. You are right so many times and you still choose to be with me? Lil ‘ol heart breaks all the 0-60 records as it makes me realise that you are still beside me, the person who throws tantrums when they are brazenly wrong. You are still here. Arguing with me. Bringing me kicking and screaming back to the rights track. How can I be angry with you?

I blink as my eyes adjust to the brilliant red sky cocooning those lush, green trees. My heart once again starts to float as I now know that I need to rush back home, hug you tight and let you know that I love that you better me. And I love you more when you are completely right and I am stupendously wrong.

As I pick up my pace, a giggle bursts out of me picturing the utter bewilderment on your face at my crazy declarations. Should be an icing on my cake.

2 thoughts on “Love to hate

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